johnsymms.com

there is a god

I went to a hip hop show a while ago. I enjoyed it, and now I’m hoping that that will give me some street cred. I wrote some details about it on my blog that I get paid to write.

And now below, I present some camera-phone video to prove that I was where I claim to have been at the time I claim to have been there for the purpose for which I claim to have—

Some videos:

Here is the part of the post where I direct you to U-God’s new album, thereby implying that I liked it, thereby affirming that I appreciate hip hop, thereby demonstrating that I exhibit a basic characteristic of a cool, edgy youth, which is what I am bound to aspire to be.

hip hop trading cards

Baseball. Basketball. Football. Hockey. Cricket (probably). Pokémon. Magic. And now, finally, Hip Hop trading cards.

The wait is over, assuming that phrase is generally fitting and appropriate when said in reference to, uh, hip-hopica. If so, the wait is over. Else, uh, wait no longer?

crotch rocket

Colby West has had a crotch rocket for about a year now. In less than a month, I will have had a crotch rocket for 25 years, but who’s counting? A little while ago, against my usually excellent judgment, I acted as a passenger on Colby’s street bike while I was in Boulder.

Photo courtesy of skier Digital Dave’s business associate Mike Thomas

It was pretty fun. So fun that I swear I will never ride one again. Because fun things are the devil. And fun things kill you—especially fun things that go 100 miles an hour. And I don’t ever want to die. I can’t. Because I already promised a beautiful woman that I would never die. So dying would make me a liar. And I’m not a liar.

2112

I went out for cocktails with some of my friends a few afternoons ago. My bill came out to $21.12. What an amazing coincidence. Not only a palindrome, but also the title to the greatest album of the greatest rock band that ever was — well, the greatest thing to ever come out of Canada, at least. For the rest of the night, all I could think was “We are the priests / of the temples / of Syrinx!” I’m not a numerologist or anything, but it is really amazing when certain numbers just happen like that.

glen fake contest winner

At long last, the Glen Fake Contest has come to a close. David Foster submitted the best entry by a long shot. He had the biggest, most artificially colored fauxhawk in the bunch, and he straight out-Glen-Plaked every other entry. Long, skinny skis. Neon one-piece. He even brought out the Flexon Comps! And he did:

A Worm Turn!

A Daffy!

And A Spread Eagle!

David Foster takes home a shiny new set of Salomon STH 16 bindings for his brilliant work. Congratulations to David, and thank you very much to everybody else who sent in an entry.